#OscarsSoWhite (Again). Cheers!

​In just a few weeks, peeps around the world (at least the peeps who are interested in movies, celebrities, and fashion) will stop, look, and listen as the winners of the 88th Academy Awards are announced. There will be fanfare as far as the eye can see, beautiful suits and gowns, and White people. Lots of White people.

​Oh sure, there will be some colored folk about. The host, Chris Rock, for one. And maybe a few of those great actors everyone talks about, like Denzel Washington, Forrest Whitaker, and Lupita Nyong'o. But nope, nobody who's up for an award THIS year. In fact, for the second year in a row, every actor nominated for an Oscar award is White, despite the critical praises of such films as "Beasts of No Nation," "Straight Outta Compton," and "Creed" (and also, "Concussion," which everyone seems to have just plain forgotten about, as though they too had been hit repeatedly in the head).

​Reactions range from wide-eyed puzzlement to rage and resigned bitterness about the glaring omission of films led by Africans or African Americans. "Is it the members who vote on the Oscars, the films, the campaigns behind them or something else?" one recent NY Times article read. “Industry critics were asking how filmdom’s top awards could be so narrowcast a second year in a row.” Jada Pinkett and Spike Lee are calling for a boycott. 

Don Cheadle cracked a darkly bitter joke. Stacey Dash said a bunch of highly offensive and utterly foolish things. And Gabrielle Union, bless her gorgeous hair, cast what might be the most brilliant piece of shade EVER in response.

For my part, ​I read the news of this year’s nominations with the same heavy heart and sense of hopelessness as I read last year’s. No, strike that. It was more like a sense of fatigue. I’m so tired of explaining why it’s NOT OKAY to nominate the white screenwriters of “Straight Outta Compton” while failing to recognize the work of the African American actors who brought those words to life. I’m tired of explaining that yes, Leo did a great job in “The Revenant.” But so did Idris Elba in “Beasts of No Nation” and Michael B. Jordan in “Creed,” so they should be recognized, too. And I’m really tired of seeing that old, brown people’s adage, “you have to work TWICE as hard for HALF as much,” played out not only in my experience, but in the very epicenter of high fantasy, Hollywood. Movies are where I turn to get away from everyday nonsense. To be honest, the whole thing made me want to have a drink. Or three.

​But hey, why dwell on the rampant inequality and racism around us? When life gives you lemons, use ‘em to garnish a drink. So, in honor of the great Oscar “White Out” of 2016, and the inevitable desire for many drinks as Hollywood congratulates itself for being the White BET Awards, here are a few cocktails based on white, clear, or light-colored alcoholic liquors. Let’s start at with the host, shall we?

Chris on the Rocks
This vermouth cocktail is clean and smooth, with a touch of citrus and elderberry on the nose and a kick you may not see coming, kind of like Oscar host Chris Rock’s comedic style.

 
1 ½ oz. Dolin dry vermouth
1 ½ oz. Dolin Blanc sweet vermouth
Splash, club soda
Dash, Angostura bitters
Brandied cherry, for garnish
 
Combine the vermouths and bitters in a mixing glass with ice. Stir well and strain into a chilled glass. Garnish with the brandied cherry.

Straight Outta Consideration
For this cocktail, inspired by the Klondike Strike and classic gin and juice, I chose Remy Martin, a longtime connection of Dr. Dre and Ice Cube and orange juice. Just who decided that “popular” movies are not worthy Oscar consideration anyway? “Straight Outta Compton,” despite the glaring failure to address Dee Barnes and other victims of domestic abuse, chronicled a huge moment in arts and American history: that time when a bunch of poor black kids talked about their lives in their city, and the world didn’t just listen, it danced.

2 oz. Rémy Martin “V” eau-de-vie de vin
6 oz. orange or grapefruit juice
Splash, Dolin Rouge sweet vermouth (optional)
Orange peel, for garnish
 
Pour the eau-de-vie into a cocktail glass over ice. Top with the fruit juice and sweet vermouth, if using. Stir gently, laid back, with your mind on your money and your money on your mind. Garnish with orange peel.

Wrong Creed
This is a Pennsylvania-inspired twist on the classic Boilermaker, which incidentally was the professional nickname of James Jackson Jeffries, winner of the one of the most famous heavyweight title bouts in Brooklyn back in 1900. Since his work as Wallace on “The Wire,” Michael P. Jordan has been delivering knockout performances. He should be recognized, not rendered invisible. Note: There are two ways to enjoy this cocktail, both of which would make Rocky proud (ICYMI: Sylvester Stallone was nominated for an Oscar in this year's Best Supporting Actor category.)
 
8 oz. Sly Fox Phoenix Pale Ale
1 ½ oz. Thistle Finch Small Batch White Rye Whiskey

1. Drink the beer. Then chase it with the rye.
2. Pour the rye into the beer. Bottoms up.

Valhalla
An Oscar nominee for Best Picture, George Miller’s “Mad Max: Fury Road” came out with guns (and everything else) blazing. It was awesome. I hope the desire to maintain the status quo in Hollywood will also go out someday in a shiny, sprayed on, shiny blaze of ill-begotten glory.
 
2 oz. Linie Aquavit
1 oz. Bols crème de cassis
Club soda
Orange peel, for garnish
 
Combine the Pernod and the crème de cassis in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well, then strain into a cocktail glass over rocks. Top with club soda, then flame a slice of orange peel for garnish.

The Martian Red Cloud
This drink is inspired by the classic Red Cloud cocktail, made with apricot brandy and grenadine. Matt Damon’s Mark Watney had to do A LOT of science to survive on Mars. But you know what? Fostering diversity isn’t nearly as complicated. All anyone has to do create movies, TV, education and job access in a way that reflects the way the world actually looks, multi-colored folk, LBGTQ, and all.

2 oz. gin
1 oz. Bols Pomegranate Liqueur
1 oz. freshly squeezed lemon juice (you can substitute blood orange juice, if you’re feeling adventurous)
1 t simple syrup
Dash, Angostura bitters
 
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass over ice. 

​The Revenant
After seeing this movie, which is beautifully shot and super intense, my corpse needed some reviving, and this cocktail was born. Alejandro G. Iñárritu did an outstanding job helming this film. Now, just imagine what would happen if more film directors of color were not left out in the wilderness like Leo DiCaprio, willing their art to live.
 
1 oz. Neversink spirits apple brandy
1 oz. Fernet-Vallet
1 oz. Bols white crème de menthe
 
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass over ice. 

Man O’War
This cocktail is inspired by Quentin Tarantino’s “Hateful Eight,” as several of the main characters are men of the Civil War. As Samuel L. Jackson’s Major Marquis Warren and Walton Goggins Chris Mannix illustrated, confronting racism and prejudice turns us all into warriors, and sometimes we have to fight together.
 
2 oz. Kings County Distillery Moonshine
1 oz. Cointreau
½ oz. Dolin Rouge sweet vermouth
1 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
Lime slice, for garnish
 
Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a chilled glass. Garnish with a slice of lime.

​Angel’s Tit, or
​Cate Blanchett Kissed a Girl
In “Carol,” Cate Blanchett calls Rooney Mara her “angel, flung out of space.” Romantic, ain’t it. Maybe the angels will fling some quality roles toward the many fine actors of color with boobs out there. Someday.
 
2 oz. DeKuyper or Bols white crème de cacao
½ oz. heavy cream
Maraschino cherry or thinly sliced strawberry, for garnish
 
Pour the crème de cacao into a very cold cocktail glass. Gently float the heavy cream on top, and garnish with a Maraschino cherry or thinly sliced strawberry.

​Stacey Dash aka The Bronx Cheer
Baby gurl, go sit DOWN before you hurt yourself, I thought after seeing the video of her comments for the first time. This final cocktail was inspired by the outspoken “Clueless” actress and Fox News commentator, who was actually born in the Bronx. Unlike Dash, the Bronx is a borough that knows itself and its history. I imagine folks there might have something to say about her shallow and ill-researched rhetoric.
 
2 oz. Bols apricot brandy
Raspberry soda,
Fresh raspberries, for garnish

Add the apricot brandy to a mixing glass filled with ice. Top with the raspberry soda, then stir gently and finish with a few raspberries.